Thursday, November 24, 2011

Eyes to See

What a beautiful November day on which to be thankful. No matter what life has brought to my table lately, today we had turkey--and good times with the family. The sun was out, and the temperature was unseasonably warm--how delightful for a girl whose mood seems to change with the weather!

Life is full of surprises. Today I learned that my step-dad, Jim, is newly engaged to a lovely lady--her name is Linda. (For those who do not know, Jim was married to my mother for nearly 17 years--she passed away from cancer, 3-1/2 years ago). It is good to see two people so happy together. New chapters, new beginnings...two story lines, merging together as one.

I'm glad to know that God is always doing something new. Even if I can't yet see it, He is. Watching my kids play together, they have great fun acting out scenes from the adventures dancing around in their little heads. Just this afternoon, Adrian was throwing Samantha the rope, begging her 'my little ponies' to catch it and pull him out of the water--it was hilarious. She kept saying, "but they can't get the rope--their feet aren't sticky enough." LOL

From their vantage point, the possibilities are endless. Children have the unique ability to look out, and up. They also look down, but not in the way adults do: what they see is different. Ask any 3yr old girl, searching for lost barbie shoes--and you know she may as well found lost treasure, when one turns up!

I envy the innocence of childhood. It goes away all too quickly, when you have to think about life stuff, bills, providing, nurturing, time with your spouse, and on and on. Sometimes its easy to feel like nothing good is coming back in, to replace all the giving out you do. And if you work full-time, its that job...or maybe its being that friend that continually supports, but doesn't feel supported when your time of need arises.

Yes, being an adult is a different vantage point. We may look into our past too often, or we may worry about our future security, missing the present moments of joy, all around us. Truth be told, my name would be on every one of those lists. I can get myself into such a funk, that I don't know how I got there...or how long it will last.

The other day, I was reading Adrian some bedtime stories. One of them was out of his Adventure Bible book. It was a story about the man who sold all that he had to buy a field that he knew contained buried treasure. And he kept digging and digging, pressing on--knowing that once he found it, all the sweat and effort would be worth it. Jesus was sharing this parable, from Matthew 13, to remind us that searching for God is like searching for that treasure.

Once again, I could hear that little voice, whispering to me. It was such a rough day. Lots of tears, grief, frustrations, regrets. Too much to tell, here and now. But I knew it was God. "Keep going, keep on looking for Me, keep on reading my letters, keep on praying, keep on enduring...because one day, it will all be worth it--you will find me, know me better, you will do great things, you are doing the most important thing, now...and I love you." I was amazed, once again, by that children's version of stories of old.

It's kind of funny, really. It's like God is saying, "well, if she won't spend time with me, then I'll have to send her a message during the bedtime routine--again." Oops. I'm so glad that God is always present, even when I'm not. He speaks in many ways, and as a parent, I find that my answer of the day often comes at night, in those stories.

Ever come to the end of yourself? You're out of answers, out of solutions, full of problems? I think that's right where I need to be so I can get a fresh perspective, a new vantage point. God is doing something new, even if I can't yet see it. He is. I'm learning to trust in that promise and allow him to shape my life however he sees fit, to accomplish his purposes. It is so hard to surrender, because I can tell you that I have lots of ideas on what I think my life should look like.

But God sees the big picture. He has the ultimate view, from the beginning of time to the end of the age. So I have to agree that my 'tiny little window' of space is no match for what will someday be revealed. (Isaiah 55:6-13)