Wednesday, October 21, 2015


My daughter has this blanket she loves. Made by a family member, it was a special gift and the means by which she chooses to soothe herself to sleep. You never know what your child will grab a hold of and bond with. Several blankets were made for her: one with satin trim and minky fleece, one was crocheted, another was quilted together with a soft fuzzy backing. All of them are dear to me because of the love sewn into them by the hands that made them.

But this one has fleece ties all around it. And since my little one didn't suck her thumb or take a pacifier, she eventually connected with these knots and figured out how to stay asleep. It was all about the fringe-her perfect fit! Isn't it amazing how different kids are when it comes to sleeping and comfort? All of mine found their own way, but the end result was the same: much-needed peace and quiet.

In raising our kids, I haven't been too quick to snatch away those 'lovies' or security blankets. My rationale is they are only little for so long. And then they grow, and you turn around and wonder how it went by so fast. It's hard for me to believe my older kids are well into their elementary school years now. If only you could bottle up some of those moments for a time when its not so crazy, years later, and savor them!

As a mom, I often feel like I am 'the Fringe' that everyone in my family is holding onto. I get a little worn around the edges, and sometimes feel that I wouldn't be missed unless I was lost somewhere or stopped doing all the things I do everyday. It is nice to be needed-LOL. Through my frustration and exhaustion, I know that while this job will never end, it will change as my children grow up and into the fabric of their own lives.

Fringes. They hold another meaning. I think of those who feel like they don't fit. Like no matter how hard they try, they unwravel at the seams, left alone in the margins. Maybe it takes them awhile to warm up. Maybe they've been hurt too many times and feel more safe on the outskirts. Maybe they have a history, and wonder if they will be accepted with love and grace, despite their past. Pain can be hard to hide, and difficult for others to understand. But we each have our own unique measure of it, don't we?

For me, its feeling left out when moms and adult daughters are doing stuff together...stuff that I have never experienced, and never will. Someday, I look forward to stepping into that role with both my son and daughters--after all the ups and downs of helping them mature, when we will, undoubtedly, not always like each other! Every now and then, through the threads of our busy days, I get a glimpse of what I am helping weave together, right now.

 Yes, it can feel painful when I can't tell their grandma what they did or said that was cute...or try to explain to them why she isn't here with us...I give it over to God, again and again--and continue to work through the pain, keeping a tender heart.

My comfort, ultimately, is in God's love for all of us. Our house has been into the Chronicles of Narnia, lately. The stories are a wonderful picture of Christ. If God were to take on Aslan's form, I would wrap my arms around that mane, and press in, like Lucy did. He would call me 'Dear One', and through those piercing, all knowing eyes, I would be understood. I am known and loved...and so are you.

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.
You have not given me into the hands of my enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place." Psalm 31:7-8