Having said that, all this joy in our house can be exhausting.To say we don't sleep much around here, is an understatement. I fully expected baby girl to follow suit, like her siblings, and be sleeping through the night at six months. The idea of being able to plan and predict how things would play out was appealing to me. I've always liked it better that way. But then, that would make life rather boring, wouldn't it?
Maybe feeling like I've got some mothering experience, and that this lack of sleep thing would not get me down, felt promising. But the truth is that I've had to rethink, relearn, and remember all over again. I think our mommy-brains have only so much space to keep track of everything and everyone that we recycle the old information...and then, when we need it, somehow it comes back around...full circle.
I try to think back to what life was like, when my older kids were small. And most of it was a blur, to be honest. It was a beautiful time, and its true what they say-the days are long, but the years are short! Having our third child come at a quieter time of life, is good. And in that quiet, sometimes, I remember my mom. I realize that I cannot pick up the phone and call her when I'm frazzled. I don't know if she can see me or not. I wish that I could see her. I'm sad that she wasn't physically here to meet little Mallory. I take the moment I need to remember, and then move to the next thing...whatever that may be.
In my sleep-deprived state, there are days when I don't have much left to give other than taking care of what my people need...and breathing...(sigh)...ha,ha...no really! But at the end of the day, we put the kids to bed, say our prayers and I hear myself say *I'm thankful*. Even when I don't feel much, I can look around at all that is here that is good. As we approach Thanksgiving, here are a few things I cherish:
My God is so good. This house is our home, and I love the grimy walls that hold us together. My family is my home...they live in my heart, and they move about in this space we call life, and force me to rise above my feelings, and care for them. Good food is a gift to create, and share with those you love. We had a beautiful fall season, surrounded with its fiery hues, in leaves up and on the ground. And roots...they exist. Now blanketed in snow, they are tucked away and at rest...yes, they ground us, keep us standing tall-bringing us what we need, when we need it.