Sunday, April 15, 2012

Seed for Sowing

A second piece of chocolate has been unwrapped. Sitting here, while it melts in my mouth, I have to say that life is good. Of course, it always is with a little chocolate. Looking back to a year ago, I'm now in a much better place in regards to what is coming ahead. There were many tears and dark days, last spring. I'm delighted to imagine that this spring might be different.

Before I get into the deep, I'd like to share about my 'little joys'. Adrian is now six years old. He loves reptiles. Yesterday, for his birthday, he spent his money on a 4-ft yellow and black worries, its not real. He went to bed with it wrapped around his neck and wearing a smile that no sleepy eyes could erase. It is heart-warming to see the way he marvels at creation. Today he was in the hayfield, chasing down some of the first butterflies of spring. Soon we will be raising Monarchs and I'm sure all sorts of 'nature things' will be finding their way onto the kitchen island-LOL.

My little Samantha will soon be four years old. She has the vocabulary of a 6-year old and plenty of charm to go with it. She loves animals, carrying purses and dressing up in tutus. She is forever finding little trinkets to carry around in her hands...and it is then that I tell her she needs her purse! She is a princess, but one that doesn't mind the dirt and the outdoors. My kind of girl. It's fun to watch her and her brother play together. They say the cutest things. This Easter, we seeded a 'resurrection garden' in hopes that it would help them gain an understanding, alongside the baskets and bunnies. We were surprised at how well they took to the idea. They were building tunnels and pretend tombs, saying, "ok, its your turn: you be Jesus and come out now." LOL
Life has a way of bringing us to our knees, doesn't it? Trying times are what bring people together. It is pain that builds bridges to the hearts of the hurting. It is broken down walls that create transparency, letting the light shine through...revealing that we are also human.

Within the seasons of life, we have different roles to play. Sometimes we are the needy, other times, we are the support for another. We sow time into our families and friends. Our workplaces. Our houses of worship. Passionate pursuits for the greater good, that tug on our hearts. And then there begs the question of taking care of ourselves: how and when do we do this?

It will look a bit different for each one of us. I have issues with the sunlight changing, hence, more winter blues than the average person. This year, I was able to treat that with a Happy Light--no kidding, that's what they call it. I also discovered(with a good doctors' help)some other deficiencies that were contributing to my feelings of depression. And what has pulled all these little adjustments together is choosing to spend a little time with God, each day.

A plan was devised: sitting in front of the light(for 30 minutes)reading, checking in, preparing for my day. I'm amazed at how much better I now feel. God is faithful. He does meet us wherever we're at. Kind of like a parent with arms open wide. He gives us wisdom to help us in our times of need. He also sends encouraging people into our lives so that we're not so alone. I'd like to share a verse that has touched my heart, in this journey from grief to joy. Psalms 126:5-6 says, "Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him."

What I believe this is saying is that when we have tears, they matter. Someplace else, in Psalms, it says that 'God keeps our tears in a bottle'. I had never considered, before reading this, that grief could be a necessary part of bearing fruit. But its hard to argue with the content of this word picture: we shall no doubt come out of a season of grief, carrying a harvest, and have joy. The tears and sadness are seed for something greater, something good...later on.

I could not imagine anything good coming from losing my mom, nearly 4 years ago. I continue to wrestle with the dreams that were dashed, when we had to say goodbye. But I will say that I've pressed into God, alot more, since we learned of her illness. There was a short period of reconciliation that took place, between the two of us. I'm thankful that we had that time to talk. Those are some good things.

Been thinking about seeds, as we've experienced the warmest March on record, here in MN. I'm sure this is true in many parts of the country as well. I have never thought about getting a garden in so early before. Easter weekend, I planted onions, shallots, radishes, cabbage, broccoli, spinach and peas. In my bay window, I have some sturdy little tomatoes and pepper plants growing, which will go in around Mother's Day weekend. The weather this spring has been amazing, to say the least. I'm so happy to see green, everywhere!

Dig in a little deeper, with me, now...all seeds have to die to themselves before they can produce. They have to be sown into the ground, buried in the dark earth. They need water, sunlight, and warm temps. And then they crack open, sprout and root in...and eventually, after the rain, the growth spurts, the summer heat--we start to see some fruit forming. And harvest time is for sure a delightful, happy time. You finally get to see and taste the fruit of your labors.

And so it is with the seasonal nature of our lives. Another verse that has been encouraging to me is Psalms 37:3, "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness." It is good to be able to enjoy what God has given, isn't it? Especially after a time of intense sadness. He does bring us to those places of contentment. Learning to trust, to live, to do good--to feed on His faithfulness, which is food for the soul.