Saturday, September 22, 2012

Silence Speaks to the Heart

"They spread their wings, and fly"
Listen...the rhythmic ticking of our clock, on the wall...the tinkling water, forming ice cubes...and they rumble-tumble to a frozen bin, below...jets passing by, overhead, on a crystal-clear night...the dishwasher, humming to close its symphony of clean. These are sounds I rarely hear--only when all is perfectly still.

Sometimes silence speaks. It cries out for a voice, that is often drowned out by our noisy world. I wonder how I missed it for so long. All those years of long work hours, the need to conquer the world, as it were--my 20's were a sort of quest to see what I was made of. I think we've all been there at some point in our lives. We don't know who we really are...and then we find out Who made us.

Today, I find myself in a different kind of busy. The list of 'to-do's, slowly gets crossed off, but only to be recycled again by the same chores, different day. One day at a time, I know, I know. And as I go through my day, I hear the same faint question: "Mommy, will you play with me?" And I wonder, as I put off my 'yes', one more time, should I trade temporary organization(and sanity) for memories that will last when those mundane days add up to years, gone by too fast?

I've decided that a woman can never do enough in one day. Even on the most productive of days, the end of it leaves me wondering if I've, again, missed the best part. I silently vow to make tomorrow better. I try. And sometimes, there are those shining moments. Like earlier today, when my son explained to me, in detail, why he had constructed his Lego helicopter a certain way(our little engineer). I'm so proud of him and the wheels that are ever turning, in his little mind. Or like this afternoon, when I saw how high my daughter had learned to pump, on the swing set. Her smile was brighter than the setting sky, as I waved to her through the window. I finally did make it outside to be with them both...even if it was the end of the day.

As my kiddos grow older, I'm discovering that they need as much of my time, but in a different way. It's true that it gets easier when they become more independent. But now, they want an audience more than they need a watchful eye. They need me to cheer them on, excited for each little step towards growing independence.

The distractions of daily living are in constant competition with what we love and cherish most. I have to remind myself that someday, when I'm gone, the list will cease to matter...but the memories that we made, together, will live on in the lives of my children--teaching them what is most important: that they are dearly loved! Not only by me, but through me--I humbly hope to demonstrate some of the awesome love God has, for them.

This is for all you parents out there. We're in this together--the balancing act of practical love, i.e. providing for our kid's needs, vs. spending that quality time with them. I now understand how hard this job description is, to live up to! Thankfully, we have much grace and love surrounding us. Because we are also still kids, to Someone. Have a great fall and start to the school year : )